The Struggle is Real my Friends

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For those of you who know, I LOVE BOYS. Like a lot. Well duh, I'm a girl, right? I mean, I've got my Writing class boyfriend, my Child Development boyfriend, my Anatomy Lecture boyfriend, my Anatomy Lab boyfriend, my church boyfriend and my celebrity boyfriend. You may ask, how does one balance all of these boyfriends??? Well the answer is simple, I don't actually talk to them. The key is to admire from a far, "touch with your eyes" if you will. By now, you probably feel sad for me, which is typical, but I assure all of you concerned citizens, I'M WORKING ON IT. Obviously, my flirting skills are deplorable because well, we are talking about me here; "Smooth" is not necessarily a trait of mine (exemplified in my recent "boy advice" to friends).

Obviously we have this "boyfriend-hunting" thing totally down

Many people have offered me suggestions on how to attract said "boys" but none of it seems plausible. Unfortunately due to my recent diagnosis of R.B.F. (see description here, (excuse the profanity)), or perma-crust, it has come to my attention that without making a conscious effort of smiling and looking friendly, I come across as "unapproachable" to strangers. So, moving forward with this new advice, I give it a go.
New day comes, this time, I'm gonna walk around with a smile and charm the pants off everyone I see. Then I learned something, smiling is a lot harder than one would think. Not only is it in your mouth, but you must smile with your eyes, your cheeks, and even your body language... Wow! who would have thought. So I give it my best effort, and I will tell you, smiling does make you seem more approachable. Unfortunately, my approachers were not always pleasing. For example, in one class, a cute boy approaches, I smile, we exchange names, majors, and hometowns (the usual). Obviously we were hitting it off and I was getting my flirt on (well, what seems like flirting to me). He told me about going to medical school next year and we talked about our common interests and I was sure that this was the man of my dreams, THE ONE (I'm quick to fall in love apparently.) Imagine my horror and embarrassment when boyfriend tells the person next to us that he chose medical school in Texas because that is where his WIFE is from. HIS WIFE!!!!! I made a rookie mistake and I did not ring-check. For those of you who have/are attending BYU, you know that the ring check is a necessity. Yes, there are A LOT of handsome men here, but once those boys come home from their missions, they get snatched up fast. The ring check is a must. Moving on, I continue on, ending my "relationship" with the married man. 
Today, I sit down in my class next to my cute friend, Carly. I make a conscious effort to adjust my body in a "friendly position" (no arms crossed, or shoulders slumped) and shine my pearly whites. Cute boy enters, and finds his seat right next to mine. We exchange glances, class has started so we can't really talk, but the tension was there. Our legs bumped, shoulders touched, my goodness, it was like we had been together for weeks... I glance over to his computer to see if I can find his name on it. It's Nathan. Like only the hottest name ever. Conveniently we are talking about babies and genetics, and naturally my mind goes to think about Nathan and my future children. They would have my dark hair and his piercing blue eyes. I mean, c'mon talk about excellent genes. All of a sudden, I notice Nathan's hand creep up to his face. Maybe his wiping something off of his face. Well, maybe his scratching his nose. Nope, yep he is definitely picking his nose. Okay, you know what, that is gross but if we are gonna be honest, sometimes its necessary to quickly pick your nose and fix the problem. I forgive him. Wait, He is going back for more???? This time, I look at him to make sure this is really what is happening and it was. My perfect Nathan was picking his nose in public, sick. But no, he doesn't stop once I stare but continues on for what seemed like an eternity (in reality, probably like 2 minutes, but still). I am ashamed that I ever planned my children with this public nose picker. I now notice that his finger has been removed from his nostrils and are not returning to his side but rather headed towards the mouth. HE ATE HIS BOOGERS PEOPLE!!!! At this point, I am literally sick. One of the things that really grosses me out is boogers ESPECIALLY when placed in the mouth. For a child, that is disgusting. For an adult in public, I have no words. 
So in conclusion, I have decided that my many boyfriends with whom I don't converse, are some of the smartest, kindest, and funniest people I have met. I know I sound crazy, but really can you blame me when things like this happen. I am open to anymore "boy advice" you may feel I need to know because well, Valentine's day is coming, I'm poor and all my other boyfriends can't pay for dinner... But please, help a sister out because the struggle is real my friends. All I want is a perfect tall, dark, and handsome man, who is smart, funny, polite, talented, successful and isn't married (also willing to wait a couple years for me to return home from the mission), Is that too much for a girl to ask??? 

1 comment:

  1. Oh my Sam! Best post I've ever read. Definitely relatable


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